Samuel Eto’o in jail? Fiction or reality?
What would it be like if the Cameroonian went behind bars?
Samuel Eto’o has his little ears quivering. For Eto’o, justice has landed in his life in 2012. The reason? A one-two missed with the Spanish tax between 2006 and 2009 and a fault estimated at 3.46 million euros, less than Messi, but with one more year. Except that Leo was sentenced to twenty-one months and some checks, where Samuel Eto’o risks ten and a half years, as explained El Pais. Is not a prophet who wants, and no one understands too much why this kind of differences between Eto’o and Messi. According to the Spanish tax authorities, Samuel Eto’o owned these rights and should have been taxed at the maximum income tax rate (45%), while he was spending between 1.5 and 3 million euros each season. So, what’s this brothel? The Cameroonian said that it was the fault of his agent, Josep Maria Mesalles and said that the owner of Eto’o Telecom knew everything. Different treatment between FC Barcelona players? Probably.
NB: The following is a fiction, and any resemblance to real facts would obviously be fortuitous.
Season 1: The Trial
Fred Hermel cannot not wait any longer. Then, in front of the Barcelona court, he turns on himself and simply repeats: “A mess, in Madrid, we would never have seen it…” In short, Samuel Eto’o finally disembarks and splits the crowd with his Royal scepter. For the occasion, he decided to pose with a crown surrounded by a fur in tribute to Master Bokassa. Facing camera, it is clear: “I came here to prove that Samuel Eto’o is innocent. The truth will be made today. And I decided to defend myself, no one can speak for me. Present in the crowd, Pep Guardiola is cleared of the room with Rigobert Song and Achille Emana. The sentence falls and is confirmed: it will be the jail.” Messi took only twenty-one months, Mascherano a year, I’m better and that’s it.
Season 2: Arrival in prison
Samuel Eto’o was transferred to jail a few days later. For the occasion, we must listen: “Aaaaaaaaah … It’s only on beIN Sport. A picture was perfect. We are going to feast my friends. He never forgets the truths and knows that history is played out before his eyes. In Cameroon, Paul Biya, sweating since his request to bring God back home, decrees a national mourning. Tense atmosphere. Samuel Eto’o arrives, enters and empties his pockets: fourteen phones, a ring and a photo of José Mourinho. “To never forget. And he turns around. Crush immediately on doctor chief of the prison, official look-alike Sara Tancredi in North Africa.
Season 3: Life behind bars
Samuel Eto’o is locked in a room the usual size of his toilet. Samuel profits from the only luxury that is truly granted him: television. Nine inches, of course, for the nine of nine. “It was the size of the screen of my car, fuck! But the worst part of it is still food. Samuel Eto’o, Eto’o becomes thiner. He tries to hit the ball with fellow detainees and is back to be the king of the stadium, this time the Jail Stadium.
This is probably what will happen if Samuel Eto’o goes to jail. 😉